I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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