you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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