the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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