my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
