he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
