i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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