I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
