i think i have herpe
just one?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
