It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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