I only kidnapped one of them. chill
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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