I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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