Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
