on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
