My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
