I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
