I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
