can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
