yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
