I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
