Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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