batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
