I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
