dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
