garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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