in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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