I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
