Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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