it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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