chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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