I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
