1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just cropdusted the office
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
