You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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