before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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