a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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