He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
