We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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