he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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