i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
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After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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