to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
