I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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