"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
