My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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