i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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