And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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