I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
