So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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