; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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