he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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