There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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