Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
