the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
