I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
