Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
