Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
