I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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