Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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