I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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