You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
