i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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