just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
