put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
barbara walters just said penis...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
