We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
