we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
