out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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