4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
