he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
