just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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