maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
