from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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