The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
