Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize