Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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