my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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