i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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