ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
