So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
