Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
